Grief is a Roller Coaster!

Why is there grief in everything?

Grief does not only apply to death. It can apply to relationships, who you used to be, addictions, your favorite store closing, potential, etc…

I have experienced many forms of grief, and let me tell you, it NEVER goes away. It only gets easier. The constant triggers, reminiscing, and thoughts of what could have been will eat you up often. You have to be very strong. Thankfully, I’m one of the Lord’s strongest soldiers lol.

Death is probably the most common form of grief. It is inevitable to experience this at any age. It could be due to the death of a family member, friend, or even a pet that was dearly loved. Sometimes you may not even be that close to the deceased, but their presence impacted you in a way that left you feeling like you are missing something.

The next two types of grief that I see the most in others are past and potential. Now, this is a tricky one. I say that because it is so easy to stay stuck in due to constantly brushing it off. You never truly realize that you are dealing with it because it’s just a “normal” part of life. You start off missing who you once were and wanting to go back to that life, that old job, those relationships, etc. It’s a constant mind game. The only way to get through that is to stop and smell the roses. Come to terms with the fact that life is in the past and you have to move on. It is easier said than done, I know. But it’s really the only way.

When it comes to grieving potential, I see this mainly in people who struggle with addiction, those who’ve gone against themself in some way, or in romantic relationships that have ended terribly. It’s always the thought of what they could be or what they could do if they had just done the right thing or listened to the person who was trying to help them. All I can say is, every journey is a self-journey. Whatever decision you make may not be good, but it is not always too late to change the outcome and come out of that pain you are stuck in. Some people will go through this cycle for years before they “see the light”.

What really is the best way to deal with grief? There is no easy way to answer this question. I say that because so many factors contribute to it all. The most important one is the impact it has on your mental health. It can destroy you if you let it. I was a victim of that! I had a point in my life when grief was getting the best of me, and I was so depressed and anxious. It was not a good time. But I know that I am not alone in this.

So many people will completely live in their depression. They will begin to develop addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, etc. They will experience behavioral changes, appearance changes, and really become a different person, and not for the better. It can take a long time to get out of that. Therapy, certain programs, and just good old-fashioned time are the most common ways that I have seen people heal from this. Personally, I believe you heal the best when you do some deep inner work, and that may not be what anyone wants to hear.

How have I dealt with grief? To be honest, it has been very difficult. I have grieved so many things: relationships, family members, pets, old identities, what I could’ve done, and who I could’ve been. Hell, I’ve even grieved my favorite restaurant closing down. ( R.I.P. Lonestar Steak House) lol The one that hurts me the most is my Granny. Her death was during a time when the world was shut down, and we couldn’t really experience things the way we probably needed to. Not to mention all of the family drama surrounding it. It’s been almost 6 years now, and although it doesn’t feel like an open wound anymore, it feels like a scar that never really healed.

One of the things that I did to help me in this process was to remember that no one ever really dies. Their spirit lives on, literally in you and around you. She comes to me in dreams sometimes, I smell her perfume, or hear her voice, and it feels like a ball of love that just soothes everything I’m going through. She was the best Granny in the whole wide world, and I think that love she had was never-ending, so it has helped with the process. It’s gotten easier, but I don’t think I will ever get over it truly.

But there are things that I have grieved that were so hard to get through. Especially when the person is still alive and just a terrible person that you saw potential in. They may never apologize or make changes, and you have to let them go and do your best to heal on your own. In that case, I had to acknowledge what happened and go through all of the emotions. And I mean ALL of them. But once I did that, I had to put my big girl pants on and realize that I am worthy of love and should be treated as such. But I didn’t hesitate to delete all pictures and block them from ever speaking to me again. Never open a door you fought to close!

Getting back to the subject at hand…

Grief is like you’re on a roller coaster that never stops. It starts slow at first, then it builds up with tension, fear, and wonder for what’s coming next. When you get to the top, you think you’ve hit the worst of it, then boom! You drop down fast and hard. All you can do is scream and grit your teeth from the feeling of your stomach dropping and the wind hitting your face. It goes up and down, sometimes it even loops, replaying all of the things you should’ve and could’ve done. But nothing is worse than when it sends you backwards and starts all over again. No one wants to relive the pain. But sometimes you will relive it until you come to terms with what happened. When it finally stops, and you can catch your breath, you feel like you never want to do it again. Unfortunately, we all have to do it again and again in life. But, will you choose to see the beauty in it or fear the ride?

At the end of the day, this is never an easy thing to get through. Honestly, I could probably write so many blog posts on this topic and wouldn’t even touch the surface of it all. But for now, I will just leave this here.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think!