Memory Loss, Trauma, and Trying to Function Anyway
“I Swear I’m Not Lying… I Just Don’t Remember”:
If I had a dollar for every time I forgot something important then got hit with the side eye like I was lying or just didn’t care I’d be writing this from a cabin. In Iceland. Yes, I’m that type of girl.
But I’m not.
I’m just a Black woman who’s lived through some things, trying to explain why my brain doesn’t always cooperate the way other people’s might expect it to.
Let’s talk about memory loss from trauma and depression because it’s real, it’s common, and it’s not because you’re lazy, careless, or faking it.
When the Timeline Feels Like Swiss Cheese
There are years I don’t remember.
Whole years.
Ask me what happened in 2014 and I’ll blink at you like you asked me to solve a math equation in a hurricane.
That’s trauma.
Your brain will literally hide or erase moments just to keep you functioning. And when your nervous system is constantly in survival mode, it’s not prioritizing memory it’s prioritizing getting through the day.
It’s not selective memory.
It’s protective memory.
“You Don’t Remember Saying That?”
No, I really don’t.
And I’m not lying.
I’ve sat in conversations where someone recites something I said or did, and I genuinely don’t remember it at all. Not even a flicker.
I’m not gaslighting you.
I’ve just had to survive so much, my brain started tossing things out like junk mail.
“Useless detail? Gone. Small talk from last week? Deleted. Emotionally painful memory? Vaporized.”
Time Gets… Weird
Trauma messes with your sense of time, too.
You ever think something happened “a few months ago” and someone hits you with, “Girl, that was 2019”?
Yeah.
It’s because the days blur together when you’re in survival mode. When every day feels like fight-or-flight, your brain stops making proper timestamps.
It’s not that you’re irresponsible or dramatic.
Your brain is doing what it has to do to keep you moving.
It’s Not Just You
If you:
- Forget entire conversations
- Can’t remember chunks of your childhood
- Feel like time skips or stretches in strange ways
- Have a hard time recalling details that seem “important”
- Feel guilty or embarrassed when people act like you’re lying or careless…
I want you to know: You are not broken. You are surviving.
And surviving ain’t always neat.
A Little Science (Because Why Not?)
The hippocampus and prefrontal cortex, parts of the brain that manage memory, are affected when you go through long-term trauma or depression.
Basically, your brain’s like,
“We don’t have the capacity to store this. We’re busy trying not to shut down completely.”
It’s not personal. It’s biological.
Be Gentle With Yourself
You are not your forgetfulness.
You are not your memory lapses.
You are not lazy.
You are not lying.
You are not failing.
You are healing.
And healing is messy, foggy, and nonlinear.
Let’s Keep It Real
If someone tells you they don’t remember something, believe them.
And if you don’t remember something, please don’t beat yourself up. You are not “too much,” and you’re not “too broken.” You’re just human. And you’ve been through enough already.
Let your brain do what it needs to do to keep you here.
We’ll sort out the rest together, one day at a time.
Drop a comment if this hit home.
Have you ever felt ashamed for forgetting things? Does time feel weird for you too? I’m building this blog as a safe space where we can be real, laugh a little, cry if we need to, and feel seen.
You’re not alone.
Not here.